Phase 3 Lust of the Eyes
Interaction
Folks who view porn material need to be aware of the wedge it drives between men and women, married or not. Like for example, how it makes you interact with others. How are you gonna treat a girl on a date if you expect her to be all "willing” and "hot" like the girls you watch". Won’t happen will it? Then what rudeness or disappointment will you address her with at this point?
Here are some points to know about relationships.
1. If you are a married man and you look at other women’s naked bodies, you force your wife to compare herself to the other women. This produces uncomfortable feelings and insecurity in her.
Look Chic’s feel the lack of emotional support when men, that they care about, dwell on the bodies of other women.
2. This leads chic’s to think of men as being selfish and caring only about sex and what gives them pleasure.
3.
Girls are portrayed as having no real values in porn movies and pics.
4. Porn also leads some men to believe that women like sex just for the sake of sex, something rarely true. This distorted view of women is hurtful to relationships, and, as it filters into society, shows up in the workplace as well as marriages.
5. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church. Looking at the naked bodies of other women is not part of that love. How does it make her feel to know you’re looking at other chicks? Better yet how would you feel to know she is digging other guys? Hurts the other way around don’t
it?
In giving herself to her husband, the wife makes herself vulnerable in a special way, a way that a Godly marriage is designed to protect. If the husband is constantly looking at the naked bodies of other women, his own wife’s loving act is cheapened and even becomes hurtful to her. The lack of love and support that women feel when men view porn is not just their imagination, it’s a real fact.
Research is revealing that men who regularly looked at Porn later described themselves as less in love with their wives.
Which leads me to this couple I dealt with about 3 years ago.
I know a young Christian couple who are separated and preparing todivorce. So the wife says her husband regularly views porn (primarily over the Internet) and masturbates to the point that he no longer has sex with her at all. Are you to this point yet? How disconnected would this make you from your family and kids?
At this point you’re denying her the marital rights she should expect and you are not obeying God.
But to take it to the point of denying to the one you promised to "cleave to" and be"one flesh"with?
(Matthew 19:5)
"Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."
(1 Corinthians 7:2-5)
Thus, denying her that which is due is called fraud. I have known many women, more than men, who use sex a weapon. They withhold to win an argument or prove a point. But to control the other person?, so sad. Yet the selfish party seems to get surprised or shocked when the other
cheats....A neglected spouse is vulnerable to attack at this point. One sin leads to others so stay pure.
So Satan will tempt us if we go too long w/o sex? It seems our "Spider sense" is tingling, more
active, when in "drought" season, so it makes his job easy. Hormones are high. An argument can make Satan’s job easier too. "I'll show her" so we get online, we flirt or interact with folks we normally wouldn’t.
Do these feelings seem to creep up when you’re not looking for it?
Do they plant a seed in your head that keeps festering and eventually comes to a head by you finally getting online? Does this happen when you feel lonely? How about after an argument?
The guilt you feel, how bad is it? "Wow, I blew it. I went 4 months without looking and now I gotta start back over...I’m a loser." Depression, guilt, negative self image, immaturity, anger outbursts all have now been let back in, the porn was only the footholdneeded.
Girls view
Women are not generally attracted to a naked man they don’t know. Their needs are more usually emotional and relational. Romance novels and soap operas often take advantage of this emotional drive in women’s lives. They paint men as, who are totally caring and loving, and who often know the woman’s needs before she says a word. (why do you think Twilight is so big?)
I know a couple who the guy was a recent convert and his wife chided him for it constantly. Now in the end she started having an "Emotional affair" with a guy in another state on Facebook. Saying he understands me, loves me like I am, and wants to see me always......
What is an EA? Wiki says this:
"A relationship between a person and someone other than (their) spouse (or lover) that has an impact on the level of intimacy, emotional distance and overall dynamic balance in the marriage. The role of an affair is to create emotional distance in the marriage."
In this view, neither sexual intercourse nor physical affection is necessary to impact the committed relationship(s) of those involved in the affair. It is theorized that an emotional affair can injure a committed relationship more than a one night stand or other casual sexual encounters.
"Is this wrong" she asked us as he sat there, bags packed to leave (she was putting him
out). "Yes, it is", I answered.
She was blaming him for not loving her and not doing what all she expected from him, from what had read about and watched. But here’s the kicker, all the years I had known them, she ignored him at home, she buried herself in books like Twilight and romance novels, they had sex once a month, he slept on the couch, she made fun of him constantly, had no respect for him, he had to earn bed rights. He seems more like a pet doesn’t he?
On his side, instead of praying and seeking help he got vengeful, he began dropping in on porn sites
and had many saved on his computer. So his attitude of "showing her" caused further damage. He was disassociated from her. Any kids you ask? Yep they had a son, so he was in the middle of all this drama. Drama caused from porn and fantasy, from expectations that were simply false.
I found this Quote:"Such men do not really exist, and the “picture” of them painted in romance novels or
soap operas is no more real than the retouched pictures of naked women in the magazines that men read."
Cosmo, 17,Us… any of these magazines can cause women to become unappreciative of their
husbands and it starts indoctrinating at a young age. "Just as wives become emotionally unsupported when husbands look at other women, the husband can become unsupported when his wife develops the attitude that other men really care for their women (after all, it’s in all the novels), but he does not meet her
needs."
Here is another point about girl porn:
Now when romance novels involve adultery and premarital sex, then they are the writing
about "harlots,” and therefore is classified, scripturally as pornography in the truest sense of the word. What do you think Sex in the City is about? Little Liars? Weeds? Do you watch these shows? Do you see them for what they really are? Home wreckers!
An important observation must be made about porn:
If a husband writes a spicy and graphic poem to his wife to enhance their relationship, it is not porn. If a wife takes a picture of herself in sexy lingerie (or less) and gives it to her husband for his eyes only, it is not porn (but it is subject now to being lifted off the Iphone or a friend seeing it by
mistake). How many times has that happened? Sex within a marriage should be wonderful and exciting, and anything a couple does to augment this relationship, that does not overstep the moral boundary of one or the other, and causes no undue pain, scarring, etc., can be acceptable.
(Hebrews 13:4)
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
Phase 3 Action
Phase 3 Here is our actions for this level. It gets what may seem at first pretty extreme but how bad do you break away from this slavery? How committed are you to Gods path is a better question, I think.
1. Home is our sanctuary. Remove it all. Anything. It should be gone. Garbage. "Can I give it away? I spent good money on it man" why would you want to spread the disease? Contribute to the delinquency? Trash it , burn it don’t even look at it one last time. (Don’t be like Lots wife…lol)
2. Were gonna be girls and keep a journal now. Yea, as cheesy as it sounds but it'll show us how were doing. In the past we were just doing and at this point we need the affirmation of our successes. Make sections on each page for: Feelings, Walk Aways and Give Ins
A.
Feelings, when we got them (time of day/activity), how we reacted and what we did with them. When did you first notice these symptoms? Be specific were trying to develop pattern here, ok.
B.Walk Aways-Yea the good stuff. Tell a brief story so you can reflect on it. When you get weak in the future it always helps to read the details of when you was once strong and fought it.
and finally
C. Give Ins. You gotta know where, why and how and what drove you to that point again. Write out the shame and hurt you feel. This way you can reflect on it as well in a time of weakness.
Buy you a note book just for this purpose and hide it or write in code in case someone finds it. The info in this journal will be of great value once you start to see the patterns.
3. Prayer continues. Pray for the Wisdom to see and Knowledge recognize and then the Courage to act. Read Proverbs daily. Not only does it help you understand the rest of the Bible it grows your brain in righteous morality and what used to be called "common sense". Like how to deal with chics and their eyes, how to avoid the adulteress. Read how the enticement is so glamorous andexciting and then devastating. Prayer gets you closer with God and lets you depend on Him for strength.
Folks who view porn material need to be aware of the wedge it drives between men and women, married or not. Like for example, how it makes you interact with others. How are you gonna treat a girl on a date if you expect her to be all "willing” and "hot" like the girls you watch". Won’t happen will it? Then what rudeness or disappointment will you address her with at this point?
Here are some points to know about relationships.
1. If you are a married man and you look at other women’s naked bodies, you force your wife to compare herself to the other women. This produces uncomfortable feelings and insecurity in her.
Look Chic’s feel the lack of emotional support when men, that they care about, dwell on the bodies of other women.
2. This leads chic’s to think of men as being selfish and caring only about sex and what gives them pleasure.
3.
Girls are portrayed as having no real values in porn movies and pics.
4. Porn also leads some men to believe that women like sex just for the sake of sex, something rarely true. This distorted view of women is hurtful to relationships, and, as it filters into society, shows up in the workplace as well as marriages.
5. The husband is to love his wife as Christ loved the Church. Looking at the naked bodies of other women is not part of that love. How does it make her feel to know you’re looking at other chicks? Better yet how would you feel to know she is digging other guys? Hurts the other way around don’t
it?
In giving herself to her husband, the wife makes herself vulnerable in a special way, a way that a Godly marriage is designed to protect. If the husband is constantly looking at the naked bodies of other women, his own wife’s loving act is cheapened and even becomes hurtful to her. The lack of love and support that women feel when men view porn is not just their imagination, it’s a real fact.
Research is revealing that men who regularly looked at Porn later described themselves as less in love with their wives.
Which leads me to this couple I dealt with about 3 years ago.
I know a young Christian couple who are separated and preparing todivorce. So the wife says her husband regularly views porn (primarily over the Internet) and masturbates to the point that he no longer has sex with her at all. Are you to this point yet? How disconnected would this make you from your family and kids?
At this point you’re denying her the marital rights she should expect and you are not obeying God.
But to take it to the point of denying to the one you promised to "cleave to" and be"one flesh"with?
(Matthew 19:5)
"Nevertheless, to avoid fornication, let every man have his own wife, and let every woman have her own husband. Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife. Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency."
(1 Corinthians 7:2-5)
Thus, denying her that which is due is called fraud. I have known many women, more than men, who use sex a weapon. They withhold to win an argument or prove a point. But to control the other person?, so sad. Yet the selfish party seems to get surprised or shocked when the other
cheats....A neglected spouse is vulnerable to attack at this point. One sin leads to others so stay pure.
So Satan will tempt us if we go too long w/o sex? It seems our "Spider sense" is tingling, more
active, when in "drought" season, so it makes his job easy. Hormones are high. An argument can make Satan’s job easier too. "I'll show her" so we get online, we flirt or interact with folks we normally wouldn’t.
Do these feelings seem to creep up when you’re not looking for it?
Do they plant a seed in your head that keeps festering and eventually comes to a head by you finally getting online? Does this happen when you feel lonely? How about after an argument?
The guilt you feel, how bad is it? "Wow, I blew it. I went 4 months without looking and now I gotta start back over...I’m a loser." Depression, guilt, negative self image, immaturity, anger outbursts all have now been let back in, the porn was only the footholdneeded.
Girls view
Women are not generally attracted to a naked man they don’t know. Their needs are more usually emotional and relational. Romance novels and soap operas often take advantage of this emotional drive in women’s lives. They paint men as, who are totally caring and loving, and who often know the woman’s needs before she says a word. (why do you think Twilight is so big?)
I know a couple who the guy was a recent convert and his wife chided him for it constantly. Now in the end she started having an "Emotional affair" with a guy in another state on Facebook. Saying he understands me, loves me like I am, and wants to see me always......
What is an EA? Wiki says this:
"A relationship between a person and someone other than (their) spouse (or lover) that has an impact on the level of intimacy, emotional distance and overall dynamic balance in the marriage. The role of an affair is to create emotional distance in the marriage."
In this view, neither sexual intercourse nor physical affection is necessary to impact the committed relationship(s) of those involved in the affair. It is theorized that an emotional affair can injure a committed relationship more than a one night stand or other casual sexual encounters.
"Is this wrong" she asked us as he sat there, bags packed to leave (she was putting him
out). "Yes, it is", I answered.
She was blaming him for not loving her and not doing what all she expected from him, from what had read about and watched. But here’s the kicker, all the years I had known them, she ignored him at home, she buried herself in books like Twilight and romance novels, they had sex once a month, he slept on the couch, she made fun of him constantly, had no respect for him, he had to earn bed rights. He seems more like a pet doesn’t he?
On his side, instead of praying and seeking help he got vengeful, he began dropping in on porn sites
and had many saved on his computer. So his attitude of "showing her" caused further damage. He was disassociated from her. Any kids you ask? Yep they had a son, so he was in the middle of all this drama. Drama caused from porn and fantasy, from expectations that were simply false.
I found this Quote:"Such men do not really exist, and the “picture” of them painted in romance novels or
soap operas is no more real than the retouched pictures of naked women in the magazines that men read."
Cosmo, 17,Us… any of these magazines can cause women to become unappreciative of their
husbands and it starts indoctrinating at a young age. "Just as wives become emotionally unsupported when husbands look at other women, the husband can become unsupported when his wife develops the attitude that other men really care for their women (after all, it’s in all the novels), but he does not meet her
needs."
Here is another point about girl porn:
Now when romance novels involve adultery and premarital sex, then they are the writing
about "harlots,” and therefore is classified, scripturally as pornography in the truest sense of the word. What do you think Sex in the City is about? Little Liars? Weeds? Do you watch these shows? Do you see them for what they really are? Home wreckers!
An important observation must be made about porn:
If a husband writes a spicy and graphic poem to his wife to enhance their relationship, it is not porn. If a wife takes a picture of herself in sexy lingerie (or less) and gives it to her husband for his eyes only, it is not porn (but it is subject now to being lifted off the Iphone or a friend seeing it by
mistake). How many times has that happened? Sex within a marriage should be wonderful and exciting, and anything a couple does to augment this relationship, that does not overstep the moral boundary of one or the other, and causes no undue pain, scarring, etc., can be acceptable.
(Hebrews 13:4)
Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.
Phase 3 Action
Phase 3 Here is our actions for this level. It gets what may seem at first pretty extreme but how bad do you break away from this slavery? How committed are you to Gods path is a better question, I think.
1. Home is our sanctuary. Remove it all. Anything. It should be gone. Garbage. "Can I give it away? I spent good money on it man" why would you want to spread the disease? Contribute to the delinquency? Trash it , burn it don’t even look at it one last time. (Don’t be like Lots wife…lol)
2. Were gonna be girls and keep a journal now. Yea, as cheesy as it sounds but it'll show us how were doing. In the past we were just doing and at this point we need the affirmation of our successes. Make sections on each page for: Feelings, Walk Aways and Give Ins
A.
Feelings, when we got them (time of day/activity), how we reacted and what we did with them. When did you first notice these symptoms? Be specific were trying to develop pattern here, ok.
B.Walk Aways-Yea the good stuff. Tell a brief story so you can reflect on it. When you get weak in the future it always helps to read the details of when you was once strong and fought it.
and finally
C. Give Ins. You gotta know where, why and how and what drove you to that point again. Write out the shame and hurt you feel. This way you can reflect on it as well in a time of weakness.
Buy you a note book just for this purpose and hide it or write in code in case someone finds it. The info in this journal will be of great value once you start to see the patterns.
3. Prayer continues. Pray for the Wisdom to see and Knowledge recognize and then the Courage to act. Read Proverbs daily. Not only does it help you understand the rest of the Bible it grows your brain in righteous morality and what used to be called "common sense". Like how to deal with chics and their eyes, how to avoid the adulteress. Read how the enticement is so glamorous andexciting and then devastating. Prayer gets you closer with God and lets you depend on Him for strength.